The Value of Relationship

Have you ever had that student that wants to be the pain in your side?  Have you ever let them be the pain in your side?  I remember a time when I would regret certain students coming into my classroom because I knew that they were going to push my buttons.  It all changed one day when I had a chance to sit down and really talk with a student.  This was not a 2 minute redirect or a quick stay after class chat.  This was a took almost my whole prep hour, fighting back tears, laugh and cry together kinda talk.  This student told me that the only reason they were pushing my buttons was to see if I really cared.  In our conversation, male figures had walked in and out of their life time and time again.  Mom had several different boyfriends throughout their life and Dad was not in the picture.  This student was giving me a run for my money to essentially see if I was trustworthy.

I share this not because every student is a story of tears and trust.  I share this because this was the moment I learned the value of relationships with students.  Some of the behavior that we see in our classes is actually because students have trust issues.  Trust is not always immediately given, and trust comes through relationships and genuine conversations.  I know time is precious, I think everyone in education can attest to this, however, taking a little extra time with some students can go a long way.

Here are some practical ways that I have been intentional about building relationships with students that don't just give their trust away.  The first thing that I always remind students when having a conversation about expectations is that tomorrow is a new day and I don't hold grudges.  When students know this, they breathe a little easier knowing that they will not be continually punished for past mistakes.  The second way I have worked in time to have longer conversations with students is asking the teacher they are with during my prep hour if I can borrow them for a class.  Sometimes that answer is no, but when they agree, this time can be extremely meaningful.  Another great time to be with students is during lunch.  Students of all ages enjoy spending time with you.  If you can create a positive lunch experience for these students along with some casual talk, they will enjoy it.  They might fight it at first, so I have always let them choose a friend to bring or brought a group.  If you can, a pizza once and a while goes a long way!

I would challenge you to think about ways to find time to have better conversations with students that build trust.  Sometimes finding time to do this can be tricky, but the reward is worth it.  If you have any ideas you would like to share about ways you have reached children that need help trusting, please share.  Relationships only get better when they are invested in, and trust comes with relationship.  Let's go and continue to make a difference!